Focus on you:
Many times the reason you want to change your spouse is because you are so focused on him/her. Change your focus from your spouse to you. You’ll see all the changes you need first. When you change, your spouse is likely to change, or at least your perspective will.
If you want the house organized or cared for better, then do it yourself. If you want to eliminate excess spending, then start with you. If you want to be loved more, then be more loving. You have to give first.
Change your words:
Using words like “I feel” and “I need” will carry much more weight than “you should” or “you always.” The way you start a conversation can dictate how that conversation plays out.
Ask a question and really listen:
Do not come home, and ask “how was your day?” Like it is a greeting then proceed to talking about our day, or something else. Ask a question, and listen intently to their answer.
Go from negative to positive:
Instead of focusing on why you don’t want to do something, focus on why you want to do something else. Taking the positive, glass half-full approach will yield more influence.
Spend more time together:
There are times in our relationship where we seem so distant. Those times it is harder to communicate, and get one of us to actually make a change. It is challenging because we feel disconnected. Spending more time prevents that disconnected feeling.
Do something together:
Work out together or find a hobbie you two would like to pick up. Going through it together brings you guys closer.